Instead, I have a body that says I just had a baby, but no baby to prove it. I have the look of a tired new mom, but no baby to show for it. I have too many to-do's, and no reason not have them all done. I have the desire to cradle and rock, but no baby to coddle.
I'm still afraid of forgetting how she felt in my arms. 5 pounds - wrapped tightly - just laying peacefully against me. I sleep, but I don't dream. I smile, but I don't feel happy. I see the world moving on, and leaving her behind. I can't just leave her, but she keeps me from moving forward too. Three weeks have passed, but I have no concept of time. Has it been a short three weeks, or the longest three weeks in my life? I can't tell.