A Letter From Nana Guest

To My Beautiful Grandbaby Carly,

These are the words I would have said to you, if you had been able to stay with us. You couldn’t, but I still want to say them to you.

I remember when your Mommy told me you were on the way. I was in the GIS lab and had to move to the hallway so I wouldn’t disturb anyone else. I was sitting under the window when your mommy told me about you and I was so excited that when I went back to the lab, I disturbed everyone anyway by telling them you were on the way. I wanted to post a campus-wide announcement about your coming, or shout it from the roof.

Your mommy called you the wiggler because you were so active. Your Aunt Lindsey, and Aunt Brittany, and your sister, Cailey, and I got to see this on the 5 month ultrasound. Your Mommy closed her eyes when the nurse showed us that you were a little girl, and your aunts and I had to struggle to stop crying so mommy wouldn’t see us. We were so happy and excited. You stuck your little pointer finger in the air to give us the “number 1” sign and we all laughed. Your Mommy wanted to wait to share the discovery that you were, indeed a girl, with your Daddy and brother, Collin, and sister, Cailey, but your aunts and I already knew, and were so happy we couldn’t stop smiling. 

I couldn’t wait for you to get here so I could hold you.  I had devised several projects at our house for your Mommy to help with so I could get some serious Carly holding time in my arms.  They ached to hold you.

I talked to your Mommy as she was going in for a routine check up on May 13. When she called after her appointment, I wasn’t prepared for what she had to tell me.  No one was. My heart broke and has continued breaking more each day. I prayed it was a mistake and that you were still here, but you weren’t. I am so glad I got to see and touch your beautiful little body, but it was so very painful because it was then that I had to really realize you were truly gone, and the doctors hadn’t made a horrible mistake.  You looked like your Daddy, and you were beautiful.  I hope you saw how much love for you filled the room, even through the pain. I will always hold the picture of your Mommy cradling you in her arms, and talking to you so peacefully, in my mind and heart.

You will always be on my mind and in my heart even when you aren’t on my lips. When it is time for me to move on and my earthly life ends, I want you to be the first one I meet.  I want to hug and hold you close to me; look in your eyes and remind you how much I love and have missed you. Then I want to watch you happily dance off, but never too far away from me.  I love you Carly Queener.

Nana