When it comes to Carly, there are some words that I just can't seem to speak. It is almost physcially impossible to force them through my lips. The thought is just too deep, too sacred, and it hurts too much, and they do not go away. Consequently, thoughts can rattle around in my head for a long time until I work up the courage to say them. That's a part of why I keep this blog. It gets some of those thoughts out and I can move on.
Does wanyone else know what I mean, here?
Anyways, it's been about a week, and I can't stop saying the same thing over and over in my mind. "I just want my baby". Sometimes I say I want our baby, and sometimes I feel like I just want any baby... but it's Carly I miss and Carly that I want. I just want Carly.
There. I said it.
Sometimes it's enough to unleash these thoughts in cyberworld. Sometimes it's not enough and I still wrestle with them until I give in and mumble something to whoever is within earshot at the moment. That's where my wonderful husband, friends, and family (especially my mother) pick up the slack. Sometimes they have no idea how helpful they are in listening to me talk about her, and my grief. It's not like I just open up the discussion directly with what's on my mind. It takes a good while of beating around the bush until I can finally get there and say what I NEED to say. Anyways, they are a blessing to me for hanging in there and listening. I especially adore my friend that periodically mentions Carly without me having to bring it up... I just love her for doing that!