Sunday, October 2, 2011

Hey there, Princess,

As you can see, life is totally upside down. Daddy's and mine anniversary is coming up shortly and sometimes, dates like that, can really put your life in perspective. You think about where you were least year, what your life was like then, and about how much it has changed since.

Daddy and I were both lucky enough to find even more satisfaction in our careers with different organizations, so, we have both changed jobs just recently. I changed my car from a sporty and fast BMW, to a land-yacht Suburban so that we would be able to get everybody in one car once you were born,... on the rare occasion we might all be headed the same direction at the same time! We change the color of our house with a quick paint job completed just in time for the shower we had planned for you. Scott got a once in a lifetime opportunity to change the appearance of his shoulder with a surgical repair of his torn muscle a few months ago.

There are a million other changes I could list, but all of them pale in comparison to the least favorite change of all... learning to live without you. Last year, you were on your way, and this year, you'll already be gone. It's too much change for me. Yeah, even for me, the girl on the go and ready for anything.

I just want to sit still. I just want to stay in that moment where you were present. The problem with that is, if I had that kind of choice, I probably wouldn't ever leave, and I would end up like the wife in that movie with Robin Williams, What Dreams May Come.  So, in submission to the steadfast pace of this world, and because of an instinctual fear of the alternative, I don't sit still. I keep moving the way a shark has to stay moving to keep alive. It sucks sometimes but it's working out all the same. Instead of staying in that moment I will never know again, I look forward to the new moments I can make. Ones where at least the thought and memory of you can come to life for a brief time. The Remembrance Walk on October 15th is the next day I look forward to. It's all about you, baby. You and your adoring family here on earth.

On the upside, there are lots of other changes that we're really psyched about (sarcasm), like the small river running under the slab in our house, so a change in flooring is eminent!

I miss you. I miss you so much.
Until We Meet Again...

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