Yesterday was your due date. It was very hard not to think of you more than usual. Your daddy took off work and we spent the day as a family and went to the water park. It was great but I couldn't help watching the clock. It didn't help that I must have been the only person at the park with a watch because people came up to me all day asking for the time. I obliged them, but wanted to say something like, "it's blank-o-thirty... and Carly would have been here already." At 10:45 was my appointment time to check in to the hospital. At about 2:00pm, you would have been in our arms. I spent every minute imagining the different reality that would have been, should have been, but couldn't be. Even still, I had fun watching Cailey, Collin, Jon, and my sister and her two children laugh and play. The looks on their faces when they splashed down in the landing pools after a ride was such pure excitement that it managed to override my despair.
Later that night, it stormed intensely. It wasn't just a quick summer storm like the southern states usually get. It lasted for hours. Daddy and I enjoyed the show mother nature had to offer for a little while before going to bed. Then as I lay in bed, with daddy snoring next to me within minutes, I objectified each attribute of the storm in my mind. To me, this storm meant that the heavens were sorry too. They were sorry for me, that you are not here like we so desperately wanted. The rain was tears from all those who love us, those who you just met there in Heaven. The thunder was the audible affirmation that we as humans need in order to pay attention sometimes. The lightening was so that I would look towards Heaven and know that you are nearer than I am aware. The wind was to explain to me that, like the leaves and twigs hurling through the air, life must keep moving too.
It was my storm. It was our storm. I again feel you near me whispering in my heart, saying I love you too. If you are reading this and you live around Atlanta, know that last night's storm was for us. I guess I should apologize if your yard is a mess, you had any trees fall, or had to go without power for a while! :-)
Thank you, honey. Thank you for being close to me and for all the ways you continue to remind me of you.