Tuesday, June 14, 2011

From Daddy - To Carly

Baby Girl,

Tomorrow was supposed to be one of those special days, like the ones you only get a few times in your life, that you cherish. Like when your brothers were born, and when I met your mom. This was one was going to be VERY special because I was finally gonna have a baby girl! I love your brothers very much, and am so proud of them, but a little part of me always wanted a little girl too. See, I had given up hope of that a long time ago, then I met your mom, we got married, and decided we wanted a child together. When your mom told me she was expecting, I was soooo happy, and immediately hoped you were a girl. Later, when we found out you were a girl, I was so excited. I could not wait! I examined the ultrasound picture a thousand times to be sure, and was happy because I was finally gonna have my baby girl. When we shopped for baby stuff, I made your mom get all pink stuff, real fluffy and girly stuff. I was soooooooo excited! When I would tell people about you, they could see the excitement on my face. Tomorrow, you were supposed to be here.

Baby girl, something happened and my dreams came crashing down. Baby, I'm so broken without you. I wanted you so bad, for so long, and figured it would never happen. Then I got so excited when I thought it would, then it was taken from me.

I'm so sorry baby. If I knew this was gonna happen, I would have never tried to have you.I had one day with you, and I wanted a lifetime. I wanted you to be daddy's girl. I wanted to be the best dad in the world for you. I wanted to see you grow up and be beautiful like your mom, but rotten like me. I wanted to see you learn to walk, look silly while I played dolly's with you, turn you into a tomboy and then a little princess. I wanted to scare the shit out of little boys that wanted to date you. I wanted to see you get married and have a family and a good life.

I'm so sorry I can't give you that to you, and you will not experience those things. Just know how much you were wanted, and loved by your mom and me. Know how much I love you, and miss you. Know that I will think of you everyday, and that you are a big part of my life... just not how I expected it to be.

I love you baby girl, Carly.


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