I am in the waiting room of the hospital this morning. There's not much to do in waiting rooms except listen in on other people's nervous chit-chat, drink coffee, and think. I'm thinking about daddy and whether he's doing well. I'm thinking about you, too.
It seems this has been the first quiet moment to myself in the past two weeks. Quiet time is Carly's time. Sometimes it's a whole day of quiet and easy. Sometimes it's just a few minutes during my daily commute. Either way, I'm always given a little bit of time if I look for it... today it's a couple of hours.
Daddy tore his pectoral major muscle AND tendon clean off the bone. He went to the ortho last Tuesday and, a couple of MRI's and 6 days later... he's in surgery. It's seems a simple enough surgery. 2 hours. His Dr. seems one of the most trustworthy we have come across in a while. I am confident this will be a breeze. Daddy's not much of a complainer about pain so taking care of him at home is more of an opportunity than a duty. Just watch how I will pamper him!
I've been missing you alot. I keep up with how old you would be. All the time I think of the milestones you would be passing. 1 month, then 2 months. Two months and holding, and it would have been plenty of time for daddy to already have you spoiled rotten!
We talk more about you lately. Not a lot more but most importantly, we've learned alot about each other's grief and how to support each other. I've learned that he usually doesn't feel compelled to talk about it unless something happens to prompt him. We see another baby girl about your age, or something on TV. Well, that, and a couple of beers in the garage, just the two if us, usually gets his lips moving too. He also seems to be able to tell those times I'm just being quiet, and the times I'm being quiet because I'm thinking about you. He is so intuitive that way. We cope. We deal. We'll be alright.
We went out this weekend to blow off some steam and goof off. Your daddy reminded me of how thoughtful, hilarious and fun-loving he really is. He started the evening right with 2 dozen roses, cheesecake, popcorn, red wine, and the best note I've ever read waiting on me when I got home from work on Friday. FOR NO REASON except to see me smile. Then we went out to the nearest neighborhood club and I laughed all evening. I laughed all the next day talking about the silly stuff we saw and did. We danced. It's been a while since we danced. Mostly because my body has spent the past 9 months totally devoted to you. The next day was total down time, except he took me out to get a new phone that does all the fancy stuff that everybody else already has. I was due an upgrade anyways. I LOVE IT! Sunday was bikini and sun time then out to the movies. It was supposed to be "his" weekend, since he was most likely going to be miserable by Monday after surgery. We should have "his" weekends more often!
I'm going to go now. I have an idea to help other families remember their angels, and I need to do some reaserch.
Talk to you soon, baby girl. If daddy visits you any time today, make sure to send him back. We still need him here for a little while longer. I love you.